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whiskeycoffee2008-12-29 08:28 am
mjules.livejournal.com) wrote in whiskeycoffee2008-12-29 08:28 am
Entry tags:
"Blur" (Shelter, Shaun/Zach, 1/1, R)
Title: Blur
Author: m.jules
Fandom/Pairing: Shelter, Shaun/Zach
Rating: R
Disclaimer: So not mine. No money being made from this one, buddy.
Author's Notes: You'd think, wouldn't you, that after three gorgeous Shelter fics hit Yuletide that I would be less compelled to write fic, not more. Well, that's what you (and I) get for thinking. Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
elishabet for beta.
It was his high school graduation when Jeanne went into labor. He remembers it, clear as day, getting his diploma and looking out and seeing only empty seats where his family should be. Shaun was sitting there, with his mom and Larry, the stepdad. Shaun was sitting as far away from Larry as he could. Gabe had been near the beginning of the ceremony – Andrews, first for everything – but Shaun and the parents were still there, watching. They were the only family Zach had at that moment, and he remembers feeling relieved and abandoned all at once.
But then there was Cody, and Zach was the one who got up at night when Cody woke up crying. Jeanne was exhausted and cried herself to sleep every night. Roy left when she was in her sixth month and she still wasn’t over it. Zach couldn’t sleep anyway. Ever since Mom died, two months before graduation, he couldn’t sleep at night. Kept thinking he had to get up, had to make sure she was okay. She wasn’t there anymore, but Cody was, so he just stayed awake.
The next five years went by in a blur, and the only thing Zach could focus on was Cody.
And then Shaun came back.
Zach had been eight years old when Shaun met him. Shaun was thirteen, and hated his stepfather, when Gabe showed up with a new, bright-eyed shadow. Shaun took the new kid under his wing. Taught him how to surf, how to skateboard. Saw the crazy things he doodled on his napkins at dinner and told him he should be an artist. Told him things to draw and watched in wonder as they all came to life under Zach’s pen.
Zach was a miracle. Shaun watched everything in his life speed up around him, watched as it all became scenery, and Zach was the shiny suncatcher through it all.
Then Shaun turned fifteen and found out he wasn’t the only guy he knew who liked other guys. He got his first boyfriend and kept it secret from absolutely everybody – his mom, Gabe, Larry… but especially Zach. The others couldn’t know because they’d tell Zach, and Shaun didn’t want to see the way Zach looked at him change.
He and Jorge – pretty Jorge, with his toasty-brown skin and black as night eyes – lasted two weeks before the strain of secrecy broke them up.
It was years later before Shaun found anyone else. Years and miles away, in Los Angeles, where Zach couldn’t possibly know that the person he was living with was male… and not nearly as pretty as the skinny little skateboarder punk with stormy-sea eyes and hands that drew blueprints of the universe.
Gabe watched it happen. He didn’t know, not as soon as Tori did – Tori was the one always telling Zach how much Shaun liked Cody, how much Cody liked Shaun, hoping that he’d see the connection. But Gabe knew anyway. It was kind of a relief, really. It meant that both of his favorite people got to be happy at the same time, together, with each other. Two for the price of one. He only had one relationship to fight to keep together.
He’d been too young to save his parents’ relationship, and he’d felt guilty for it when he saw how much Shaun hated Larry, how cold they were to each other, but his best friend and his big brother? He can handle that. If they ever break up again, he’ll kick both their asses and lock them up in the same room until they fight or fuck it out.
Gabe would never tell either of them, because Shaun would get quietly embarrassed and Zach would hit him, blushing all the while, but he’s glad. Glad it turned out like this. It makes him feel safe in a way he hasn’t since his parents had divorced. Like watching a family come back together, like watching Zach finally be woven in where he’s always belonged in the first place.
He’s wanted Zach to live with them since the first time he brought his new friend home from school and introduced him to his parents, to Shaun. He’d been the one to beg for Zach to come on the trip to Mexico. Hell, Larry had even bought him a Christmas present that let him talk to Zach anytime he wanted to. It was that obvious.
He loves Zach, and there were days – after he knew about Shaun and his boyfriends – that he’d wished he was gay, so he could be in love with Zach, so he could give Zach everything. Having Shaun fall for him is the perfect solution. Gabe gets his girls, and in a way, he gets Zach, too.
Shaun was never sure if he should feel guilty that he’d first developed a crush on Zach when the kid was just fourteen. Shaun had been nineteen, out of high school, driving into the city at night to dance at the clubs until he was soaked with sweat, then get off in the bathroom with some random guy with talented hands. Shaun never spent enough time with them to be disappointed when those hands couldn’t draw anything he asked for.
He’d found one guy, one night, with a mole on his face. It wasn’t quite the intriguing beauty mark that Zach had below his right eye. It was on his left cheek, closer to his chin, but Shaun had been obsessed with it. It was the first guy he’d kissed since Jorge, and he’d come harder that night than he could remember for a while.
It wasn’t until later, driving home, his hands stinking of the industrial-strength antibacterial soap in the men’s room of the club and making his nose twitch and his eyes water, that he realized he’d been thinking of Zach the whole time.
It scared him so bad he’d packed up that night, planning to move the next day. Maybe Los Angeles. Maybe San Francisco.
But then he remembered college, remembered he needed to finish if he was going to be a good example for Gabe – for Zach – and had unpacked slowly, carefully. The next day, when Zach and Gabe woke him up by jumping on his bed, shouting until his hangover made his head ring like the bells of St. Mary’s, he’d turned onto his stomach so they couldn’t see his morning wood, and closed his eyes, and pretended Zach’s voice wasn’t making it harder.
Zach had read Shaun’s book without telling Gabe he was reading it. He didn’t know why. Shaun had sent Gabe a promotional copy, autographed with, “To my little brother. Read this, and I’ll kick your ass.”
Gabe laughed about it, waved it around the room, told Zach he’d read some of it just to piss Shaun off. Zach didn’t asked what it was about and Gabe didn’t tell him. Zach sneaked a peek, though. He saw a kissing scene, and his nineteen-year-old mind had been captured by the idea. He always felt inadequate with Tori, and something about the idea of Shaun indirectly giving him kissing-advice was appealing.
He’d read a little further, realized that there were two “he’s.” Realized that it wasn’t going to stop with kissing. His heart hammered in his chest, and when he heard Gabe coming back up the stairs he shoved the book in his backpack and pretended he hadn’t been doing anything at all.
It was the first time he’d stolen anything in his whole life. He read the whole book that night, front to back, until his vision blurred. He’d been so hard he’d jerked off under the covers, still clutching the book in his other hand. When he opened his eyes afterward, regretting the sticky mess he’d made of his sheets, he realized he hadn’t thought of Tori once.
When he came, he’d been thinking of the way Shaun always watched him. Always.
The first time they have sex in Shaun’s new house, with Cody sleeping in the next room, they’re as quiet as they can be so they don’t wake the kid, but Zach can’t help gasping, can’t help clutching Shaun’s shoulders, can’t help regretting the comment he’d made in their fight in the car that night. He didn't mean it; just the opposite. He's glad Shaun's liked him forever. He likes knowing someone's wanted him that long. Still wants him.
They cling together afterward, panting into each other’s smiles, trading Eskimo kisses instead of the words they’re thinking. It takes them a long time to move.
Pulling apart skin nearly glued together makes them squirm, makes them gasp. They lie side by side for long moments, touching, passing a soft kiss back and forth between them until it gets trapped there, lingering where their lips are.
Drowsy and dreamy-eyed, Zach is almost asleep when Shaun pulls him close and says, “Glad I came back when I did.”
Zach smiles and watches as his world slows down, spinning to a gentle stop, and he can finally see the scenery, not just the blur.
“Me too.”
Author: m.jules
Fandom/Pairing: Shelter, Shaun/Zach
Rating: R
Disclaimer: So not mine. No money being made from this one, buddy.
Author's Notes: You'd think, wouldn't you, that after three gorgeous Shelter fics hit Yuletide that I would be less compelled to write fic, not more. Well, that's what you (and I) get for thinking. Thanks to
elishabet for beta.It was his high school graduation when Jeanne went into labor. He remembers it, clear as day, getting his diploma and looking out and seeing only empty seats where his family should be. Shaun was sitting there, with his mom and Larry, the stepdad. Shaun was sitting as far away from Larry as he could. Gabe had been near the beginning of the ceremony – Andrews, first for everything – but Shaun and the parents were still there, watching. They were the only family Zach had at that moment, and he remembers feeling relieved and abandoned all at once.
But then there was Cody, and Zach was the one who got up at night when Cody woke up crying. Jeanne was exhausted and cried herself to sleep every night. Roy left when she was in her sixth month and she still wasn’t over it. Zach couldn’t sleep anyway. Ever since Mom died, two months before graduation, he couldn’t sleep at night. Kept thinking he had to get up, had to make sure she was okay. She wasn’t there anymore, but Cody was, so he just stayed awake.
The next five years went by in a blur, and the only thing Zach could focus on was Cody.
And then Shaun came back.
Zach had been eight years old when Shaun met him. Shaun was thirteen, and hated his stepfather, when Gabe showed up with a new, bright-eyed shadow. Shaun took the new kid under his wing. Taught him how to surf, how to skateboard. Saw the crazy things he doodled on his napkins at dinner and told him he should be an artist. Told him things to draw and watched in wonder as they all came to life under Zach’s pen.
Zach was a miracle. Shaun watched everything in his life speed up around him, watched as it all became scenery, and Zach was the shiny suncatcher through it all.
Then Shaun turned fifteen and found out he wasn’t the only guy he knew who liked other guys. He got his first boyfriend and kept it secret from absolutely everybody – his mom, Gabe, Larry… but especially Zach. The others couldn’t know because they’d tell Zach, and Shaun didn’t want to see the way Zach looked at him change.
He and Jorge – pretty Jorge, with his toasty-brown skin and black as night eyes – lasted two weeks before the strain of secrecy broke them up.
It was years later before Shaun found anyone else. Years and miles away, in Los Angeles, where Zach couldn’t possibly know that the person he was living with was male… and not nearly as pretty as the skinny little skateboarder punk with stormy-sea eyes and hands that drew blueprints of the universe.
Gabe watched it happen. He didn’t know, not as soon as Tori did – Tori was the one always telling Zach how much Shaun liked Cody, how much Cody liked Shaun, hoping that he’d see the connection. But Gabe knew anyway. It was kind of a relief, really. It meant that both of his favorite people got to be happy at the same time, together, with each other. Two for the price of one. He only had one relationship to fight to keep together.
He’d been too young to save his parents’ relationship, and he’d felt guilty for it when he saw how much Shaun hated Larry, how cold they were to each other, but his best friend and his big brother? He can handle that. If they ever break up again, he’ll kick both their asses and lock them up in the same room until they fight or fuck it out.
Gabe would never tell either of them, because Shaun would get quietly embarrassed and Zach would hit him, blushing all the while, but he’s glad. Glad it turned out like this. It makes him feel safe in a way he hasn’t since his parents had divorced. Like watching a family come back together, like watching Zach finally be woven in where he’s always belonged in the first place.
He’s wanted Zach to live with them since the first time he brought his new friend home from school and introduced him to his parents, to Shaun. He’d been the one to beg for Zach to come on the trip to Mexico. Hell, Larry had even bought him a Christmas present that let him talk to Zach anytime he wanted to. It was that obvious.
He loves Zach, and there were days – after he knew about Shaun and his boyfriends – that he’d wished he was gay, so he could be in love with Zach, so he could give Zach everything. Having Shaun fall for him is the perfect solution. Gabe gets his girls, and in a way, he gets Zach, too.
Shaun was never sure if he should feel guilty that he’d first developed a crush on Zach when the kid was just fourteen. Shaun had been nineteen, out of high school, driving into the city at night to dance at the clubs until he was soaked with sweat, then get off in the bathroom with some random guy with talented hands. Shaun never spent enough time with them to be disappointed when those hands couldn’t draw anything he asked for.
He’d found one guy, one night, with a mole on his face. It wasn’t quite the intriguing beauty mark that Zach had below his right eye. It was on his left cheek, closer to his chin, but Shaun had been obsessed with it. It was the first guy he’d kissed since Jorge, and he’d come harder that night than he could remember for a while.
It wasn’t until later, driving home, his hands stinking of the industrial-strength antibacterial soap in the men’s room of the club and making his nose twitch and his eyes water, that he realized he’d been thinking of Zach the whole time.
It scared him so bad he’d packed up that night, planning to move the next day. Maybe Los Angeles. Maybe San Francisco.
But then he remembered college, remembered he needed to finish if he was going to be a good example for Gabe – for Zach – and had unpacked slowly, carefully. The next day, when Zach and Gabe woke him up by jumping on his bed, shouting until his hangover made his head ring like the bells of St. Mary’s, he’d turned onto his stomach so they couldn’t see his morning wood, and closed his eyes, and pretended Zach’s voice wasn’t making it harder.
Zach had read Shaun’s book without telling Gabe he was reading it. He didn’t know why. Shaun had sent Gabe a promotional copy, autographed with, “To my little brother. Read this, and I’ll kick your ass.”
Gabe laughed about it, waved it around the room, told Zach he’d read some of it just to piss Shaun off. Zach didn’t asked what it was about and Gabe didn’t tell him. Zach sneaked a peek, though. He saw a kissing scene, and his nineteen-year-old mind had been captured by the idea. He always felt inadequate with Tori, and something about the idea of Shaun indirectly giving him kissing-advice was appealing.
He’d read a little further, realized that there were two “he’s.” Realized that it wasn’t going to stop with kissing. His heart hammered in his chest, and when he heard Gabe coming back up the stairs he shoved the book in his backpack and pretended he hadn’t been doing anything at all.
It was the first time he’d stolen anything in his whole life. He read the whole book that night, front to back, until his vision blurred. He’d been so hard he’d jerked off under the covers, still clutching the book in his other hand. When he opened his eyes afterward, regretting the sticky mess he’d made of his sheets, he realized he hadn’t thought of Tori once.
When he came, he’d been thinking of the way Shaun always watched him. Always.
The first time they have sex in Shaun’s new house, with Cody sleeping in the next room, they’re as quiet as they can be so they don’t wake the kid, but Zach can’t help gasping, can’t help clutching Shaun’s shoulders, can’t help regretting the comment he’d made in their fight in the car that night. He didn't mean it; just the opposite. He's glad Shaun's liked him forever. He likes knowing someone's wanted him that long. Still wants him.
They cling together afterward, panting into each other’s smiles, trading Eskimo kisses instead of the words they’re thinking. It takes them a long time to move.
Pulling apart skin nearly glued together makes them squirm, makes them gasp. They lie side by side for long moments, touching, passing a soft kiss back and forth between them until it gets trapped there, lingering where their lips are.
Drowsy and dreamy-eyed, Zach is almost asleep when Shaun pulls him close and says, “Glad I came back when I did.”
Zach smiles and watches as his world slows down, spinning to a gentle stop, and he can finally see the scenery, not just the blur.
“Me too.”
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