whiskeycoffee | "All's Fair In Love" (Kusatta Kyoushi no Houteishiki, Atsushi/Masayoshi, 1/1, R)

Title: All's Fair In Love
Author: m.jules
Fandom: Kusatta Kyoushi no Houteishiki
Disclaimer: K2 owns the thing, I swear.
Author's Notes: Written for

inksheddings in Yuletide '08.

aidara and

moonfoot_gamgee get kisses for beta.

Atsushi knew this feeling. It made him think of poking a knife into an electrical socket while standing knee-deep in water surrounded by sharks. It was the feeling he'd had when Masayoshi had taken that model into that hotel room. It was the feeling he'd had when Maa-chan and Tooru had caught him looking at porn on Masayoshi's computer at work. (Atsushi still wasn't sure who'd turned reddest in that equation; they’d probably looked like three ripe cherries when Masayoshi walked in and asked what was going on.) It was the feeling he'd had when he hadn't been sure whether he was going to pass his entrance exams, right before Masayoshi had kissed him so senseless he'd forgotten to be afraid.

And now he was getting that feeling sitting on the couch in Masayoshi's living room, drinking beer and watching some American cop drama that Atsushi could barely understand, subtitles off, just like Masayoshi always insisted on. Something about cows, and maybe vampires. The lack of subtitles was pretty low on the list of reasons Atsushi had no idea what was going on in the movie at that moment. Pretty high on the list – pretty close to number one on the list – were the words still bouncing around in his ear canal, echoing into his brain that refused to decipher them.

It was like the man wasn't speaking Japanese anymore.

"What?"

"Come on," Masayoshi said, shining blond hair - and really, should any man have the right to hair that looked like spun gold? - falling into his eyes. God, Atsushi loved those eyes. Would do anything for them, really. Almost. "You'll like it. I promise." Perfect pink tongue darted out to lap at Atsushi's earlobe, flicking behind it to the sensitive spot on his neck. Atsushi shivered.

"No, I -"

"I'll make it worth your while," Masayoshi purred, slinging one long thigh across Atsushi's and settling himself in the younger man's lap. "Do this for me and I'll renounce the weekends-only rule for one week."

Atsushi saw stars, but there were still icy fingers of fear tickling his belly. It was enough to keep him from agreeing instantly. "Two weeks."

Masayoshi pressed down with his hips and the edges of Atsushi's vision went blindingly bright. "Ten days."

Ten days. Ten days of everyday sex with the man he wanted more than he wanted food, or water, or air. Ten glorious days. All he had to do was say yes.

He hesitated.

Masayoshi didn't say another word, just stared at him. The stubborn challenge in his gaze finally faded to worry when Atsushi didn't speak, didn't move, seemed frozen. "Atsushi? You okay?"

Atsushi squeaked. He was even beyond convincing himself that it was a manly squeak.

Masayoshi shifted his weight to the side and lowered himself to the cushions. Atsushi wanted to protest but his voice was still stuck somewhere in his throat. Masayoshi's face was quickly taking on a serious caste that reminded Atsushi of the years when he was the teacher, the responsible adult, and Atsushi was just a trouble-making little kid who needed to be corrected or bribed.

"Is it really that repulsive to you?" Masayoshi sounded resigned, and just a little ashamed. Atsushi could see hints of color creeping into that beautiful, milky skin. "You think it's really that terrible for a man to receive love from his lover?"

Atsushi could feel his own face coloring, but he still couldn't answer. There was a hard edge to Masayoshi's demeanor now that made him feel deeply ashamed.

"So that's what you think of Maa-chan?" Masayoshi crossed his arms and glowered, and Atsushi gulped. "Is that what you think of me? That we're weak, disgusting, less than men?"

"I never said that!" Atsushi finally found his voice, though it cracked.

"You didn't have to." Masayoshi sounded like his voice could freeze a hot spring. Atsushi watched, helpless, as Masayoshi stood up and left the room. He heard the sound when the beer can was dropped into the recycling bin, then the sound of the front door opening and closing a bit harder than necessary. He heard the car start, the tires squealing as Masayoshi pulled out onto the street. In the background, the American cop drama droned on and on, and Atsushi sat stunned for several minutes until he finally found the remote and turned it off.

Masayoshi's apartment seemed much too big and empty, as if he could hear his own breath echoing hollowly off the walls. Distressed and a little angry, Atsushi pulled on his coat and left, locking the door behind him. He only knew one person to talk to about this.

On second thought, maybe he should have waited until Tooru wasn't taking a drink of coffee before he blurted out his question. Coffee out the nose looked like it hurt, and Atsushi handed over a handkerchief.

"Where did that come from?" Tooru wanted to know, dabbing at his upper lip with the tissue.

"But really, Tooru-san, would you?" Tooru's blush was contagious and Atsushi could feel color creeping into his own face. Maybe this hadn't been such a great idea.

"If Masami wanted to, yes." Tooru wouldn't meet Atsushi's eyes, but his voice was steady. "It's never been something he was interested in, but I would do anything to make him happy."

Atsushi felt a hot stab of guilt in his stomach and fiddled with his own can of coffee, open but untouched. "It doesn't... scare you?"

"The idea of letting another man enter me?" Tooru's face was almost purple with embarrassment. "Sure it does. But Masami-san enjoys it, and I know he would never hurt me." He looked over at Atsushi, his gaze startlingly direct after all the avoidance. "Did Masayoshi ask you to?"
Atsushi felt his face flame, but nodded. "He's... he's always been the one to let me in," Atsushi admitted. "I'm afraid to do it the other way around."

Tooru was quiet for a while and Atsushi burned with shame. He could feel his former teacher judging him, criticizing him for his selfishness.

"Maybe you should talk to Masami about it," Tooru said quietly. "Maybe he could help you see it differently."

Masami was as forthright as ever once Atsushi coaxed him past his initial embarrassment.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked, offering sugar to Atsushi before he stirred some into his own tea. "Are you afraid of the pain? That doesn't last long."

"Not exactly," Atsushi said, though that was part of it. He knew, intellectually, that it didn't hurt if it was done right. He'd learned how to do it the right way himself, after that first disaster when he'd hurt his lover so much Masayoshi forbade him to enter him ever again.

"Then what?" Masami gave him a long, searching look before those brown eyes finally widened. "It's that video you watched when you were in college, isn’t it?"

Atsushi felt himself color instantly. It sounded so innocent when Maa-chan put it that way. That video you watched. What he was actually referring to was a gay porn movie that Atsushi had tried to watch secretly on Masayoshi's computer when he was visiting. He had been using the computer to look up something on the internet when he'd mistyped an address by one character and had ended up on a porn site.

He had started to click off, but one of the actors had blond hair and green eyes looking up at him from beneath sultry lashes, lips pursed in the promise of a kiss and one hand rubbing across a toned, milky-pale chest. The resemblance to Masayoshi was superficial at best, but it made it easy for Atsushi's imagination.

He hadn't been able to resist clicking on the picture, but what he'd seen was nothing he'd been prepared for.

Over a soundtrack of cheap techno, a slender young man with his wrists bound together over his head was crying and begging. Atsushi couldn't understand most of it, as it was in English, but he heard the word "no" a lot. The blond didn't seem to be listening. The blond had an evil look on his face as he pounded away, unconcerned with his partner's sobbing and pleading. Atsushi had been frozen in shock, a sick feeling welling up in his stomach.

"Akkun, what on earth are you watching?" Masami's voice had scared him nearly lifeless, especially with Tooru's rumble right behind it. Atsushi had closed out the window instantly, blushing when five more popped up to take its place. Before he could close those down, too, there had been the last voice he'd wanted to hear.

"Why is everyone in my office?"

Atsushi had turned the computer off before Masayoshi could see what was on it and stammered some excuse before he fled the room, but the damage had been done. To this day, anytime he thought of letting Masayoshi enter him, he saw the maniacal grin on that blond actor's face and felt the electric shock of shame from that afternoon.

"Maybe a little," he confessed to Masami now, idly stirring his tea with a silver spoon.

Masami sighed and put his own tea cup down, reaching out to touch Atsushi's hand.

"It's not like that," he said, and Atsushi found himself nodding. He knew it wasn't like that, not really. "Do you treat Masayoshi like that?"

"No!" Atushi shook his head hard. He could never do that. He'd felt awful for hurting him that first time.

"Do you think Masayoshi would treat you like that?" Atsushi shook his head again, more slowly this time. Masami continued, fingers tightening on Atsushi's hand. "My brother must love you very much," he said quietly.

Atsushi felt every cell in his body come to hyper awareness at that statement. No matter how much he knew that Masayoshi must feel something for him, he still had his doubts and insecurities.

"All his life, he has been the man. He has dated women and been the one to show love by giving pleasure. Now, with you, he allows you to enter his body even though you have less experience in giving pleasure." Masami smiled knowingly as Atsushi looked away.

"Maa-chan," he said finally, quietly. Masami waited carefully while Atsushi tried to decide how to phrase his next request. "Will you help me?" Immediate flags of color in Masami's cheeks had Atsushi backpedaling fast. "Not like that!" he protested, gesturing sharply with his hand and narrowly missing his teacup. "Just... tell me."

By the time Atsushi showed up at Masayoshi's apartment the next day, he had a bona fide plan.

When he heard the front door open and close, and the quiet footsteps of Masayoshi entering the house, he felt a light buzzing start under his skin. It thrummed in his ears, distorting the sound of Masayoshi calling his name.

"Arisawa? Are you here?" Thumps as Masayoshi set down his briefcase and things from work. "The door was unlocked. You'd better be here!"

Atsushi found his voice and called out, "In the bedroom."

Masayoshi appeared in the doorway, his expression caught somewhere between annoyance and confusion. "What the hell are you doing? Can't a man have dinner and a bath first?"

Atsushi felt a chill creep over his bare skin where the sheet was slipping and took a moment to readjust his impromptu covering. He'd started out naked, worried that he would chicken out if he had time to think while removing his clothing, but had gotten chilled waiting for Masayoshi to come home and had ended up wrapping himself in the sheet.

"Get your clothes on," Masayoshi sighed, turning around to leave.

"Wait!" Masayoshi paused and Atsushi struggled to find words. "I was… that is, I..."

Masayoshi turned and looked at him, full of patient exasperation.

Atsushi felt his heart squeeze in his chest and blurted, "I want you to make love to me!"

Sighing, Masayoshi walked into the room and sat down on the bed. With a wry smile he reached out and flicked Atsushi's nose. That wasn’t even close to the reaction Atsushi had expected. He'd rather thought Masayoshi might attack him, the way he'd been attacking Masayoshi all these years.

"You don't have to just because I asked," Masayoshi said. "I know you don't want to. It's fine. Forget I said anything."

"No!" Now that he'd gotten this far, Atsushi wasn't going back. He hadn't embarrassed himself by lubing and stretching his entrance for nothing. "I thought about it, and it isn't fair that we always do what I want and never what you want. You've given up a lot for me, and I hadn't thought about it like that until Maa-chan said it -"

"You talked to Masami about this!?"

"- but it made so much sense, and even Tooru-san said he would be the uke if Maa-chan ever wanted him to, so -"

"Enough!" Masayoshi had his hands over his ears. "I don't want to hear about Tooru and my brother." He shuddered dramatically.

Atsushi looked down at his hands, twisting in his lap, and bit his lip. He was out of good ideas, out of the courage to ask questions and invitations. He was still scared of what was going to happen next. There was the old fear of what would happen if Masayoshi laid him down and made love to him, and a newer, sharper fear of what would happen if he didn't.

Atsushi knew that he'd thought about this too much, that if Masayoshi didn't take what he was offering now that the guilt would never go away. It would keep him up nights.

Suddenly there was another hand pulling his apart, startling him. He hadn’t realized he'd started picking at his fingernails in his nervousness. Masayoshi was looking at him very seriously, but Atsushi couldn't think of anything to say, so he just waited.

"You're sure?" Masayoshi finally said. Atsushi nodded. Masayoshi sighed. "I would tell you that it usually helps to set a mood first, but I guess this will have to do."

The crippling chill in his stomach was lessened by the wink Masayoshi gave him, then there were gentle fingers tilting his chin up. For the first time in ages, Atsushi let Masayoshi have control of the kiss. It reminded him of when he was younger, when kisses from Sensei were few and far between, and every last one made him feel like an ocean wave had taken his feet out from under him.

It felt strange at first, letting Masayoshi be the one whose hands were demanding, whose body made the decisions of where to go, but soon Atsushi was relaxing into it, letting himself be caught up in the freedom of not having to be in control, of just letting himself enjoy Masayoshi's nearness.

When Masayoshi reached for a bottle of lubricant and insinuated long, capable fingers between Atsushi's legs, Atsushi had to fight the urge to clamp his knees together at first, but then he was distracted by Masayoshi's reaction.

"What?" The fingers twitched away, then came back. It tickled, and Atsushi squirmed. "You're already prepared?"

"Yes, I -"

"Didn't trust me to take care of you?"

"That's not it," Atsushi said quickly. "I just wanted to prove that I was ready."

Two of those long fingers slipped inside and Atsushi gasped. He'd done this to himself already, but it felt different with Masayoshi doing it. The pressure was different, the touch surer, less hesitant than he'd been.

Atsushi looked for something else to say, but Masayoshi was kissing him and those fingers were moving inside him, finding places he'd known, intellectually, were there but had never imagined would feel like that. He'd known that Masayoshi had enjoyed this, but somehow he'd thought it wouldn't be the same for him, that maybe Masayoshi had just been pretending for Atsushi's sake.

"Don't stop," Atsushi gasped when Masayoshi pulled back to let him breathe. His fingers dug into Masayoshi’s biceps and his thighs trembled as Masayoshi gently but firmly massaged the sensitive place inside him.

"Good?" Masayoshi asked, voice sounding a little strange.

"Yes."

Then the hands were gone and Atsushi whined in protest, tilting his head up. Masayoshi was sitting back on the bed, unbuttoning his shirt. He was still fully clothed, but the tent in his pants made it obvious he'd rather not be. Still, his work clothes made Atsushi remember a hundred fantasies he'd had as a student and he found himself reaching out to stop Masayoshi from taking the shirt off.

"Can you leave the shirt on?" he asked. It wouldn't be practical to leave the pants on, although there was something tantalizing and delicious about the thought of Masayoshi undressing just enough to fuck him.

With a quirk of his eyebrow that told Atsushi he'd be getting teased about this later, Masayoshi abandoned the shirt, leaving it hanging open halfway down his chest, the sleeves rolled up his forearms, and slipped out of his pants.

There was something fundamentally different about the way he felt now than he normally did. He wasn't sure what it was, but it was strange and disorienting... and he liked it. Strong arms under his thighs now and the brush of the shirt sleeves against the backs of his knees was oddly erotic. Masayoshi lifted up and Atsushi felt cold and exposed, more naked than he'd ever been in his life.

"Oh..."

Masayoshi answered with a grunt as he pushed in, gently but relentlessly, and lightning shot all the way up Atsushi's spine into his brain. He couldn't think then, could only feel as Masayoshi shuddered and began a gentle rocking motion, like an ocean lullaby that made him feel amazingly safe even while it sucked him under an implacable current of pure sensation.

When he could open his eyes, he saw Masayoshi's face above him, flushed and sweaty, those green eyes glittering and alive. The intensity he saw there was enough to push him all the way to the edge and he squirmed. He might have thrashed if Masayoshi hadn’t had such a grip on his legs, but as it was, he felt like he was trying to crawl into Masayoshi's body.

"Help me," he said, not knowing what Masayoshi could possibly do, but knowing he needed relief from this overwhelming sensation before his mind fell into a million tiny pieces.

Masayoshi knew what he was doing, more than Atsushi had honestly expected, and there was suddenly a cool hand wrapped around his taut, aching erection, stroking him gently. There was a little moisture - had Masayoshi licked his palm? - and the skin slipped easily, feeling like salvation and damnation all at once.

Atsushi was on the verge of a climax bigger than he could remember having, ever, when he heard the rough rasp of Masayoshi's voice.

"...kun...love you..."

Atsushi's spine snapped into a violent arch as his orgasm tore through him, the words echoing in his ears. Masayoshi groaned, his rhythm faltering as he finished, his fingers digging into Atsushi's thigh so deeply he thought there would be bruises.

"Damn," Masayoshi breathed as he gently slid out of Atsushi's body. Atsushi would have agreed but he couldn't say anything at all. He managed to make his rubbery arms wrap around Masayoshi, holding on as tightly as he could with his coordination all shot to hell. Masayoshi's breath was hot and damp against the sweat on his temple, and they lay together for a while, just catching their breath.

"There," Masayoshi said after a few minutes. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"We're never doing that again," Atsushi muttered into his neck. "You almost killed me."

Masayoshi smacked the bare skin of his ass in reprimand and Atsushi yelped when his too-sensitive groin pressed into the smooth cotton of the shirt Masayoshi still wore.

"Don't be ridiculous," Masayoshi said. "You can't die from sex."

"So says the man with a weekends-only rule."

"That's because you get carried away."

"Only because I love you."

Masayoshi chuckled, his hand brushing down Atsushi’s spine. "Fair enough." There was a long enough stretch of silence that Atsushi was considering going to sleep when Masayoshi said, "So what's all this about leaving my clothes on?"